“Try scented, it works better”
It’s my first session in the trauma rehabilitation program. I came to wholly understand that my experiences through the past decade were associated with human trafficking, domestic violence, and sexual abuse. I felt like a car with well over 100,000 miles on it waiting to combust.
I was numb, and yet the pain within me never seemed to lose its sear. She could see that. Her eyes, wide like deer, anticipated each subtle movement to calculate what next action to take. It felt like it was an emergency and she treated it that way as if it could be the last time she might see me.
After going through a series of mind-shattering questions, I left with arms full of papers and resources. I was barely able to retain summaries of when we went over each one. I had never more been reassured though that they were taking my survival just as important as I was.
My first promise to my therapist on how I would be “safe” after leaving the office was that I would not drive when I was emotional. I made it to the parking lot and immediately called the crisis hotline she reassured me would be available.
“I just left my first session and I promised my therapist I would stay safe after leaving and I would not drive if I was emotional.”, I gasped over the phone.
I was telling them, even through much of the pain I was in, the intervention today reassured me that without a doubt this time I was going to survive this. I was going to figure out at my core who I was and never lose sight of that again.
It wasn’t until a few sessions in that I started to realize why my therapist was giving me stickers with texture on them, bubbles to blow for more breathing, and Warhead sour candies for my purse. I had been living a disconnected life. Not just from my thoughts, but my body. I wouldn’t be able to go through the deep work we needed to unless I started to rebuild the connection to my sense of agency. I never realized how many times a day I held my breath due to the flashback of a memory or intrusive thought. With less breathing, more anxiety tends to build up.
“Self Care” became “Critical Care”. What I was interested to learn was that I had already been using some of these same routines over the last 10 years. Like I understood the innate ability to self-soothe, a skillset that I lacked much of during my childhood. Never had I been so educated in my life on what it really means to feel grounded in this world experience. Of course I am just at the beginning, but from some of the books and education that I have invested an immense amount of time and energy into already, I knew that this was what all patients say healing starts to feel like.
The concept of healing for me seemed like an endless race that I didn’t want to participate in anymore. Even if that meant if I was to sit down and wait for the inevitable, I didn’t want to exist on this planet. Life seemed like a cruel game where everyone seemed to know the rules but me.
I have learned to be patient and grow for myself, exclusive to my wants and needs. I really take each moment to find my best balance physically, mentally, spiritually, and socially. There are some things that have completely saved me in the darkest of times. I’m very happy to share some of my grounding and self-care practices for the various moments you might find yourself. Whatever your journey of healing is, I hope you find yourself to your whole self. Thank you for being here with me.
Morning Routines
Having that one special drink I love to sit with in the mornings
Tea
Coffee
A Smoothie
Hot water with lemon
Try to write something that means something to me
Listening to that song or playlist that makes me feel like the main character
Looking at my self in the mirror and acknowledging that I’m even up getting ready
Finding one thing to compliment myself on or that makes me genuinely smile in the mirror
Trying to stay off my social media or not immediately look at texts
Checking the facts of the day’s potential emotional pitfalls
Afternoon Routines
Changing the music playlist vibe
Calling a friend or someone I love to talk about something unrelated to my existing stress
Go to the gym or walk around
Breathing exercises
Changing my work to a different project
Write something that matters to me
Record myself about my feelings of the day so far and play it back to ground myself better of my reality
Taking a drive and listening to main character energy music
Eating food that I like
Eating something at all
Drink something hydrating
Drink something with energy
Looking at old photos or videos that make me happy
Nighttime Routines
Staying off my phone
Turning the majority of all lights low
Lighting a candle
Taking a bath
Read something
Writing something meaningful
Not take my traumas too seriously
Record myself of my feelings on the day and watch it back
Listen to music that soothes my soul
Watching a show that satisfies whatever mood i’m in, whether it be documentary, crime, episodic, comedy, or foreign movie.
Learn something new that takes more than just 5 to 10 minutes to understand
Reorganizing what I’m going to work on the next day
Cleaning something so I don’t have to worry about it tomorrow
Emergency Routines
Using something that’s very cold against my skin
I love to use an ice globe facial tool in these cases because it also helps to turn destructive behavior into self-soothing actions. Taking care of your skin can be that instant gratification to see that relationship with yourself build; with your confidence growing as a result.
Using a facial tool device
Texting a friend
Scale back stimulating situations or work activities
Example: sit in the car longer before the gym, or take a longer break between tasks.
Rewatch past videos of myself or past happy moments
Write something meaningful
Sit in low lighting with no sound or noise around
Petting my dog
Crying it out
Listening to nonabrasive therapeutic content
Reread other writings I’ve done
Trying it again the next day
Guiding Principles:
Remember that I need to always check the facts of a situation. There are always two sides.
Remember how hard it is to change some of my own habits before I attempt to try and influence other people
Only go towards things that reciprocate and add value to my life
Try not to consume too much negative content. Whether that’s watching people rant circles in videos on social media, watching too much violence, or paying attention to aggressive people who gain energy from their own bias.
Always learn new things to put into perspective how much I don’t know and will never know
Try and read about more history than stay too confused in our present collective’s perspective
Scale back my goals if I have trouble making the next step. There’s always more than enough time to get it right.
Listen to my intuition after I recheck my mindset and what I might be gravitating toward something for.
Asking for help if I’ve gotten myself too riled up because I believe we are sometimes in need of working together than alone
