"You know Michael is going to have you do that in bikinis, right?"
It was one of my first serious trips in the modeling industry and I thought it was going to help boost my career to a new level. Grooming is an interesting concept to me. You never can fully conceptualize it’s happening to you in the moment. At least not the first time.
You eventually feel your way to the understanding someone is saying or doing things that make you feel “not quite right”. I wonder who was the first brilliant mind to crack that illusion. Probably the greatest magician of all time.
Deception is one of the biggest tricks you can yield in this lifetime. You don’t need to have money, great influence, or even be well-liked to trick someone into getting what you want if you use deception. Sounds like the best kind of deal for a person who doesn’t want to negotiate with logic or human emotions. If you can control the mind of a person without them knowing, it’s like they never even knew you at all. You are free to creep and crawl throughout every gutter you can scurry your way into.
At a younger age, you don’t quite know how to articulate that someone is making you feel.. “uncomfortable”. You have less experience to tie memories together and formulate your perspective on them. Innately though, it was that “uncomfortable” feeling that made me want to stop jumping up and down on the trampoline.
It was January in Park City, Utah. I was in boots, multiple layers of coats, with a fur scarf that had a hood attached to it. I was excited to start our first day of the event and was jumping up and down outside the mansion we were staying at with one of the first girls I met. Seasonally, it was not uncommon in the modeling industry to be shooting fur coats in the summertime for fall’s new clothing lines. Shooting bikinis in the snow didn’t seem too off base with that practice either.
I am rediscovering myself as the true artist that I am. I have been creating for many years in various formats. However, it’s my love for photography, video, music, and writing that I am excited to continue and develop my skillsets into. I love the opportunity to produce my own work to the fullest that I can.
The recent video project Sean Kyte and I collaborated on was to transcend some of the deep pain as I work through my traumas. I believe that you can turn any pain into something beyond that experience and have it become powerfully beautiful. Art for me has always been the channel to work through difficult things. Thank you for being a part of my story. You inspire me.